Two Years and A Month

I am happy that we just had our monthly anniversary yesterday -- Our USary, as you coined it. You wrote a good post in the poetry site that you belonged to, and just like always, I am elated by what I have seen and read.

Last night as we had our moment before sleeping on vid, I asked you something about how was it having an LDR in the past, when no emails or social media accounts were present...

You obliged by sharing a story about how you were with your very first LDR girl, which you had for seven years, and how that relationship broke your heart.

What you shared last night was not really "big" anymore to me, as I have heard most about those from you last time.  Still, I find it always a welcome "treat" for me to hear about them from you.

Your sharing led to the British girlfriend, whom you've had about five years after your very first heartbreak, and you said, that you always held on to your relationships, but this particular one, you had to give up, because of her physical abuse to you.

Then came your first wife, and how similar she was in terms of her capability of being physically and verbally abusive to you too.

It was your sharing about the second wife that somehow gave me a tiny aching pinch in my heart -- AGAIN -- because as usual, you cannot pinpoint any major negativity in her, and that the only thing you said she was, is the fact that she can be too "giving" to her son, and that she could allow him to "dominate" her in most cases.  And that she didn't have a good relationship with her Mother back in her home country -- the reason why you weren't introduced to her Mom, and also because she wanted her daughter to be with her own race only, or reconcile with the father of her son.

You continued on, that the second, is a good person, a very good Mother, and that she is not capable of physically or verbally abusing any person of any kind.

I would like to write here, that even if you did mention that I was like her in that area, that statement of yours did not make my heart any lighter.

I can still feel that to this day, you still love her and that you will always choose her over me, given the circumstances or scenario at present. Once more, I feel at a total loss, and my fate lies by a single tiny strand of thread.

She is perfect for you, and no one can top that.  She has not made you mad or upset in any way, and you were blissfully and perfectly happy with her.  I envy the thought and all the more know the truth about where I fit in your life in comparison to her and where she is in you -- who seems to be an angel always, and in all ways.