Threat

Today you got this rider who I remembered hit it off well with you so much last time.  It was sort of a long drive, which ran for 38-40 minutes, and she was really talkative and very open.  Casual flirting between two consenting adults as some would say. Maybe not harmful to some, but to me, it is.

I remarked about that sad memory and my big mouth volunteered that you bonded well with her during the entire 40-minute drive, and it broke my heart.  You reply was a swift, "It broke your heart?  You must be joking..." To which later on, I answered, "No, I am not joking, and yes, it broke my heart, and I just did not tell you last time..."

You said again that it was just work. And of course, I had to understand the nature of your job even if it does hurt me at times inside.  Some of your women riders welcome and engage in a lot of playful conversation and banter, interspersed with a sprinkling of flirting on the side, and sometimes I just could not take it.  Maybe to you it is a harmless thing.  But to me, it is, and it actually may lead to jeopardizing the relationship.

And then you remarked that maybe I should not be brought along while you worked...  And I said, "I don't know..."

To me, it sounded like you just threatened me.  And it always has to end this way.  At times I would like to take and accept it.  Don't know though if I could handle it.  Either way, it gives me a difficult life bearing it.

I choose to keep silent about this and heal on my own.  Because I know you will not understand me.

Again.